Divorced Veteran Process Group

The F word in divorce…

I have been having this urge to write about forgiveness and the importance of taking back the power that we give to the person that we are holding a grudge against. Over time I have heard the word forgiveness used many, many, many times but I didn’t know how to apply it, how to “make it work.” I looked at forgiveness as a magic wand that would wipe the slate clean. A wand that would take away the hurt and the anger that was being held towards that person. Then I heard someone say, “they are not being affected by your refusal to forgive, you are.” I started to notice how much holding onto negative emotions will affect your daily living. Where you were once a happy, fun loving, and outgoing person, you’ve become distrustful, it’s become hard to have a good time, and pessimism becomes your best friend.

No, I don’t have a step-by-step on how to forgive, but I do know that once you start making small steps towards forgiving that person, you’ll notice a change in yourself. You will notice that where you once felt powerless, you are now empowered. Those buttons that were once so easily pushed are now, under your control. Whether you decide to let the person know that you forgive them, or decide that you forgive them in your heart, and just move on, either way, you now have power of your emotions while considering, during, or after your divorce.  In a blog post by Mandy Walker at www.sincemydivorce.com, she states “what Carlos says here is fundamental to being at peace with yourself after divorce. It’s not just about letting go of any resentment you feel towards your ex, it’s also about letting go of any resentment you feel towards yourself. It’s about accepting that divorce isn’t a failure.”

Take back that power to live the life you want to live, forgive, forgive, forgive.

Samantha

Soldier raises awareness of veterans’ issues like military divorce

Soldier raises awareness of veterans’ issues like military divorce.  This is a very interesting article about a veteran who raises awareness about issues such as military divorce.

“We have previously posted about recent Pentagon data showing that the military divorce rate in 2011 reached 3.7 percent, which is the highest it has been since 1999. It is estimated that the military divorce rate has now surpassed the civilian divorce rate.”  This piece of information just confirms for us, that military divorce is a big issue and must be addressed.  This soldier is making the issues visible for us!

What are your thoughts?

 

Related articles

• Military Service Changes Soldiers’ Personalities (psychologytoday.com)

Making the Invisible, Visible

Speaking from experience, I think that men can sometimes be misunderstood and unable to communicate verbally their inner thoughts. I think that with this inability to communicate they sometimes get the short end of the stick when it comes to women who are more verbal and more emotional.  This added with their veteran status makes help seem invisible.  I want to provide these veterans a place to go where their hurt, pain, anger, and depression can be visible, as visible as I am.  It’s amazing to hear some of the stories of men as talk about their wives, the love and admiration they have for them, it’s amazing to hear hurt and pain when those wives have decided that they can’t take it anymore.  What do they do?  Where do they go from here?  Who can they seek out?  Will the VA understand how deep this pain flows?  Will anyone understand the feeling of being punched in the gut when you sign those divorce papers?  Will anyone understand the inner feelings of loneliness?  Help is not invisible, it’s tangible, you can talk it out.  We would like to offer a place where we can communicate with each and every one of you who can relate to these questions, who could not answer these questions.  Tell us your story.